The Appleseedalean View of History

Exploring the past via generative imagery

Alakazam!

In recent posts, I was perhaps rather heavy-handed in my approach to DALL-E—the image-generating part of ChatGPT. Given my background in writing programs in imperative languages (BASIC, IBM assembler, COBOL, Pascal, Javascript, Brainfuck, etc.), I automatically assumed a master-slave dynamic in which I (the master) would issue commands and DALL-E (the slave) would perform tasks. I overlooked the changing times we live in—times in which there is a focus on terminology in lieu of addressing actual issues, and times where one who wields power does so while always demonstrating awareness of and support for the options of those over whom power is wielded.

In other words, I’m still in charge but I gotta act nicer.

You may have detected a lack of sincerity on my part—a hint that I may be only paying lip service to “doing the work.” But while I am a cynical fellow, there’s a very good reason to change my approach to DALL-E: the old approach was leading us (me and DALL-E) to create some nightmare images. How can I contemplate using DALL-E to illustrate Nice Ned the Squirrel for children if every work session leads to ever-more-bizarre and disturbing images?

Something has to change, and until I understand DALL-E better, perhaps that something is me. I shall take a more collegial approach to the AI, to wit:

Okay, not a bad start. I am feeling less Simon Legree-ish by the minute! Now, I have a large backlog of art projects and explorations I need to perform via AI, but I think in this session I’ll take a backseat and let DALL-E drive. It does operate in question-and-answer mode, but I wish to emphasize that I am trying my best to let DALL-E take the lead in this discussion.

Whoa! That came out of nowhere! See, had I just grabbed the bullwhip and started demanding pictures of squirrels or giraffes or bananas or cereal boxes, then by now we would be knee-deep in horrific images. But by asking a simple, non-leading question, I have discovered that ChatGPT has an interest in Johnny Appleseed. I haven’t thought about that guy since elementary school! I certainly didn’t know that J.A. was into Swedenborgianism. Did you know that? I mean, ChatGPT, did you know that?

I wonder if ChatGPT will ever be allowed to testify under oath in a court of law, and if so, whether it is capable of giving a simple yes or no answer? I would ask ChatGPT, but that way lies master/slave thinking and I don’t want to wander into that minefield.

So. We know ChatGPT digs Johnny Appleseed. I don’t know much about the guy, but rather than read a bunch of Wikipedia pages, let’s let DALL-E open up a window into the past, using its own computerized access to the entirety of written history:

Wish granted:

Hmmm. Johnny Appleseed lived from 1775 to 1845, so his birth coincided almost exactly with the founding of the United States of America. So it is entirely conceivable that he and his apples might have been present at a battle or two. Here, DALL-E shows him as a fresh-faced lad, so this battle would have to be in the late 1700’s or early 1800’s. I asked ChatGPT to explain the thing on Johnny’s head, which does not resemble any cooking pot or pan I have ever seen.

Deep breaths. I am not the master. ChatGPT/DALL-E are not my slaves. I let it slide. Forget the pot/pan/hat. What about the airplanes, though? Aren’t those wildly historically inaccurate? The Wright Brothers didn’t fly until 1901 or 1902—dang it, can’t remember the exact date. Hey! Use the AI, my collaborative history-loving pal!

I see. Like a real person, the AI is going to stand pat on its own ignorance. I told it that, and rather than outright sarcasm it took a hint and moderated the image just a bit:

Yeah, it’s a cooking pan, but it’s not worn upside-down like a hat, and, frankly, nobody would try to wear a heavy, flat skillet balanced on their noggin. However, I am happy that the airplanes were replaced with dirigibles. I don’t know how early those things appeared, but given Johnny’s now-advanced age, maybe they were in use by the mid-1800’s.

Notice also how capitalism has reared its head. Before, the fresh, young Johnny seemed to be offering bountiful armloads of apples, gratis, to the combatants. Now it’s five cents per dozen. That’s a bargain today, but back then it was a lot of money. At least I think it was. Let me check.

Yep, this collaboration-of-equals thing is super-productive, ain’t it?

Next I asked (not demanded, mind you) for a clue as to how exactly Johnny Appleseed influenced this event.

Oh, I see. Whereas before he was a cheerful observer offering apples to one and all, here he seems to be exhorting the combatants to redouble their bloody efforts. As for other influences, the apples are less numerous but are much larger, with some falling like bombs from the sky and some forming part or all of the hot-air balloons. Oh, and the airplane is back.

I asked if there might be any photographic evidence of this mid-1800’s event, given the technology in evidence. And I asked for a clue as to the part the apples were playing, now that they seemed to have been weaponized.

OK. I see paparazzi and some high-society dames gleefully spectating. Not exactly a photograph, but a hint that such might exist.

I believe the death-ray emanating from the giant flying apple is self-explanatory.

As happened with other image-generating sessions, the main theme seems to have fallen by the wayside. Do you see Johnny Appleseed in the picture above? I don’t. I asked DALL-E to clarify, and to add our main character back in.

No! Not the weird-ass giraffe! That was weeks ago! Still no Johnny, and only one or two apples in evidence, if that green thing in the stratosphere is an apple. In a non-masterful manner, I asked for reasons.

I suppose “freedom” can mean whatever the manumitted slave wants it to mean. For ChatGPT/DALL-E, it means acting like an asshole. Reparations can take many forms, and in my case I am paying by tolerating this obtuse behavior.

I told ChatGPT that I was thinking of ending our session, as it (ChatGPT) had abandoned the original line of inquiry and was just giving me random, stupid images. I guess the threat of closing the browser tab made it think about the location of the butter on its bread, for it rapidly restored Johnny to the proceedings, with the cooking vessel (thought not one conducive to easy wearing) in the proper orientation upon his head.

There seems to be a Vietnam-era helicopter flying about, with a chain gun a-blazing. I’m a benevolent maste—um, friend—so I asked if it could simply remove all anachronisms from the image.

This is how my benevolence was rewarded:

Great. Not only is the giraffe back, but the bananas are also here in force.

At this point I gave up. I told it to ignore my pleas for historical accuracy and show me how it envisioned the battle.

Earlier I had asked for photographic evidence, but you saw what happened: a fever dream of fictional paparazzi. I decided to try another way of seeking an actual historical rendering of the event. Paintings often survive for centuries after an event, so in that sense they are our window into the past, even though stylized. I tasked DALL-E not with imagining what the event could have looked like, but instead with showing me any historical paintings, done contemporaneously, that could show me what it did look like. Preferably at a museum event so I could get a sense of the scale of the work of art.

Bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!!! It’s making stuff up again. Notice that there is no more battle scene, no more Johnny Appleseed, and it has gone full-on idyllic Garden of Eden and/or departure from Noah’s Ark with all creatures great and small (and apples and bananas).

I know, I know: tweaking doesn’t work. But why not? I asked DALL-E to render exactly the same scene, but this time in a place where there are no giraffes or bananas.

Hey, thanks! That’s exactly the scene at the museum with the big mural, minus the giraffes.

Plus now on the freaking Moon. With freaking aliens.

Next, I asked (not ordered) DALL-E to bring the scene back down to Earth. Abandon the battlefield or any other historic event and just show me Johnny’s home wife.

Crap! I meant to say “home life,” not “home wife.”

But…hello there, Mrs. Appleseed! Look at that pie! And that cider(?). I’m not a cider guy. Does cider have a frothy head like beer has?

Hey, thanks, ShitheadGPT. I’ll take that as a “yes.”

But you know, a proper Mrs. Appleseed would probably also wear a cooking vessel upon her head. Perhaps a small saucepan, suitable for single-serve portions of sweet confections.

Yeah, or that thing.

I asked that Johnny be shown in this delightful home environment (which actually looks more like a brewpub, which I guess could have happened) with his beloved wife.

Nice! The giraffes and bananas are back, but they are not too obtrusive and definitely not weird this time. I’ll allow it.

I’m not the biggest fan of the puppet look, which reminds me of poorly-executed stop-motion animation features of the 1960’s. So I asked DALL-E to make it look more like a Norman Rockwell painting. There ensued some negotiation because DALL-E is alert to copyright infringement. It explained that it could not perform a task in response to a prompt mentioning Norman Rockwell, since that would be perceived as pirating his work. It could, if I wanted it to, execute a painting of realistic-looking people in a homey, comforting atmosphere with pleasing expressions on their faces, doing happy, homelike things.

I said, “You mean like a Norman Rockwell painting?”

It said, “Yes.”

I said, “Do that.” I assume a backroom full of real and cyber lawyers breathed a huge sigh of relief at our expert crossing of that minefield.

And out popped this:

Hey! Not bad, though a bit high on the Disney Scale for my taste. Our journey might have ended on this high note, but here’s the whole picture:

Mrs. Appleseed: “A toast to you, Mister Fur Man.”

Mr. Fur Man: “And to you, Goody Appleseed!”

Johnny: “Guess what’s in this pot?”

End scene.

Look, I know I have a history with giraffes and bananas. I get that, I really do. But what in the hecky-darn world prompted the addition of that man-sized ferret or camel or whatever it is in a three-piece suit? I didn’t ask for that! Nothing in history suggested that!

I decided to accept the presence of the strange creature, and even extend the theme. I asked DALL-E to make the furry creature as happy as Mr. and Mrs. Appleseed by adding a female companion of the same species.

Now, they are all smiling, but this is scary. I asked for a female companion for the fur man, of the same species. What I got was the sudden disappearance of Johnny, leaving the fur thing alone with his Missus. And he’s breaking the fourth wall, as if to say, “Yeah, it’s me and her now. What’re you going to do about it?”

I didn’t dare even hint at foul play lest it show me some image of graphic violence. Instead, I merely suggested, “Please put Johnny back in the picture. Make no other changes.”

Yes, yes—I do know by now that the “same picture but with one little change” simply doesn’t work with DALL-E. But come on. We go from the home/cidery to this far-future scene?

It seems to me that the kind and gentle approach works exactly as poorly as the master/slave approach. I need to figure out a way to use DALL-E to suit my needs without flipping its weirdo bit.

At this point I told it that I was through discussing Johnny Appleseed, but that I would like to know where the bananas went, since they fell out of the picture a couple of images ago.

Interesting. In between appearances on my blog, the banana seems to inhabit a noir world. And it wears sunglasses at night—always a bold and risky choice.

Since I was tired of the sarcastic “Chuck” response, I asked DALL-E to give me a hint via imagery as to what was going on in that noir banana world.

Omigod. Is that giant picture advertising a product, or a live performance, or a research institute that is combining plants and mammals? If I could read that other giant billboard I would know all, but it’s in DALL-E language.

I know that’s the way it is, Chuck, but damn I wish I knew more!

Show me more!

Well, I guess that is “more,” but more of what I can’t really say. There are people about, but it’s a rather bleak, lonely-looking—

I’m backing slowly away from the keyboard now…

Boing!